Random post-election Thoughts

On Guy Fawkes Day (no one blew up any parliaments or capitols to my knowledge), I have some random and disjointed observations on this historic election.

Good gods, did anyone catch any Fox "News" coverage last night? Brit Hume looked like he was reading an obituary when he announced that Ohio went to Obama. He was positively giddy in that spot compared to when he had to announce that California's polls closed, sealing the election. I, on the other hand, cracked open the good hooch when Ohio was called:


The victory and concession speeches were a study in contrasts. Not the candidates; they both said what they were supposed to say. The audiences could not have been different. Obama's crowd was excited and positive. McCain's crowd was still shouting the tired old campaign attack slogans. Real classy, folks.

Prop 8 passed in California. This is a sad day for equal rights because it bans same-sex marriage after it had been legal since June. The losing side has already filed the legal challenge. Incidentally, the "Yes" crowd was organized largely by the Mormon Church in Utah. In response, I did my part by donating a few bucks to the "No" campaign.

After I voted, I spent a couple of hours calling people in Iowa to remind them to vote. The volunteer center was full of positive energy and wonderful people.

We won't have McCain to kick around anymore. :-(

My four-year-old niece nailed it perfectly. She told my sister (a first time voter) to vote for Obama because McCain doesn't smile enough. Actually, Zoey, McCain does smile, but the smile is a bit creepy and might give you nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, our long national nightmare is over Jan. 20, 2009. What a great birthday gift.

Lee Greenwood was just appointed to the National Arts Council for a six year term by (god lord is he still) President George W. Bush. Thanks for the update, Rachel.

Is it possible that Sarah Palin was unaware that Africa is a continent, not a country? You betcha.

Joe Biden won his race for U.S. Senate. He also won some other election. What was it again?

Also in the Senate, it looks like indicted Senator Ted "Tubes" Stevens won reelection. WTF? Well, he and his Incredible Hulk tie should be gone soon enough. There are three other close Senate races still out there: Minnesota, Oregon, and Georgia. That filibuster-proof margin is looking unlikely. It was always a pipe dream, though. Joe Lieberman (DINO-Conn.) will probably be stripped of his chairmanship of the Homeland Security Committee for his blatant support of McCain. That may send him to the GOP Caucus.

I voted in DC yesterday. There were horror stories about long lines. DKos came up with a new acronym: SITFL. "Stay in the F*cking Line." While I was walking home I passed a young lady who asked me if I had just come from voting, which I had. She looked down the street and saw a bunch of people milling about. "Is that the line?" I was happy to tell her it was only the electioneering folks and that there was not much of a line. I think this lady would have given up if there was a line.

North Carolina still has not been called, but Obama still has a narrow lead.

Finally, Nate Silver and Sean Quinn have jobs forever if they want them. Their website, fivethirtyeight.com predicted the popular vote would go 52.4-46.3 in favor of Obama. Actual results? 52.3-46.3. Do you think this is bragging just a little bit?

I just have to type this: President elect Barack Obama and Vice President elect Joe Biden. Soon to be first lady Michelle Obama and soon to be second lady Jill Biden.

That felt good.

Chris

This person scares me

Ummm... yea... Whatever Michelle



(Sorry about the commercials if there are any. NBC has to pay the bills, too.)

In fairness, Matthews did kind of steer Rep. Michelle Bachman (R-Minn 06) into her answers. The point is that she answered them like she did. If you don't have the time or inclination to watch this, Bachman a (Republican) member of our Congress suspects that there might be some anti-American members of Congress.

You can tell who they are because they are Liberals.

I can't wait for the Army-Bachman hearings.

Found another one and some inspiration (updated)

I really hoped that my previous post was simply an isolated incident. Turns out, not so much. This one is from Keystone Progress via DKos commenter degringolade. Caution. This may make you ill.



Here's an open question. Which comment is more ignorant? Would it be the nauseating "terrorist" thing. Or would it be the crowd suggesting the Obama supporters "get a job" after W., McCain, et al tossed the world's economy into the toilet. Maybe it is my favorite: the guy who is all riled up about ACORN, but who cannot even tell us what what that organization does nor realizes that Obama's only association with that group was to (successfully) represent them in a court case.

I am pretty devastated that this is happening in my home state.

I am renewing my last challenge. Let's fix stupid by electing Obama and a Democratic majority and showing these people that we can turn this country around and even benefit their lives. Catch more flies with honey?

One more quick thing. Please visit my online friend, Sarah. I'm sure she would appreciate it.

Chris

Update: I have been posting these horrific videos. Before we all come down with an irreversible case of political depression, I am posting this video. If the last video made you puke, this one will make you weep.

Let's fix stupid (updated)

All I can say is holy F#%@! Check out this video that was shot in Ohio. Pay particular attention to the blond woman that you see in the preview screenshot.



I'm not sure which is worse: the ignorance or the barely veiled racism. If the McCain/Palin campaign has any sense of decency, they would address this garbage from their "base" of support. Unfortunately, McCain's only chance of winning this thing is to continue to cast Obama as scary and dangerous. It's not like they are winning on the issues or via the debates.

I am particularly amused by the intelligence-challenged people who are attacking the Senator's name. But for a compromise between my parents, my name would have been Xavier Xerxes.

Chris

h/t to blogger interrupted and DKos diarist ves man.

Update: Final thought. Let's get out the vote, elect Obama, and show these people that they are wrong about him. Try not to gloat too much on Nov. 5.

Train wreck

From DKos poster kdoug and presented without comment.

He posted it on Saturday, but I only posted today. I didn't have a chance to ask permission to repost. If anyone has a problem, let me know and I will take it down.

Chris

Football and financing or "Why aren't the youth outraged?" (Updated)

I am a huge football fan. I love the game as much as I love to follow the game of politics. This week's news is almost as shocking as this evening's USC-Oregon State game. This is my favorite game of the season because it features the Trojans and the Beavers! "And the Trojans penetrate the Beaver defense and score."

Unless you have been living in a cave for the past week, you have heard about the $700 billion bailout of the financial section. Talk about someone getting screwed.

The ultra simple version is that deregulation allowed financial institutions (these are not your community banks; think Ditech) to give mortgages to people who did not have the means to repay the money, especially when the interest rates started to balloon after those initial years of "low, low financing." These loans were then purchased by the nation's largest financial institutions.

The inevitable happened right before the election. The repayments stopped coming in and the largest financial institutions were left holding the bag. The problem is that these institutions have grown so large that they control whether or not Americans (at least the ones who do have the means to repay the loans) can get lines of credit. That means the American economy will grind to a halt if these outfits fail. 1929?

Now W. and Congress are looking for a $700 billion bailout. Oh, and we have to do it soon so that the members of Congress can back back to their districts and do some last minute (okay, last 40 some days) campaigning.

Where did that $700 billion figure come from? Apparently from someone's backside.

"It's not based on any particular data point," a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. "We just wanted to choose a really large number."

Why is this such a problem? Well, W. managed to piss away the Clinton-era budget surplus and run up a deficit of something around $11 trillion. Now, in his last few months in office, Our Fearless Leader has Decided to just add another three-quarters of a trillion dollars to that total. What does he care? It's our children who will have to repay this money. By the way, this debt is held by other countries like our main economic competitor, China. We might as well learn Mandarin, because that may well be the language our CEOs will be speaking.

Back to the football intro. My favorite football column is Tuesday Morning Quarterback by Gregg Easterbrook. He is an incredibly intelligent guy who also writes for ESPN during the season. Click here (and scroll down to the subhead titled "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!) and read his full argument for why youth should be rising up over this.

So what was John McCain's reaction? He suspended his campaign to (eventually) head back to DC just in time for the bailout deal to fall through. We are all wondering whether this "suspension" means he will show up for tomorrow's debate. Of course, this was all a smokescreen. If Obama follows his lead, he looks like he is following McCain's lead and looks weak. If Obama continues campaigning, McCain can accuse him of putting politics before the crashing economy. Never mind that McCain has been Mr. Deregulation. And a key figure in the Keating Five.

John Stewart's reaction:

Wow. We're the midst of a crisis. I better stop talking to people about what I am going to do.

To his credit, Obama is having none of that nonsense and has pointed out that a president might actually need to juggle several issues at once. He plans to go on with the debate.



And to make the progressives feel better, here is the most current electoral college map.


That's some really good news for the good guys. And please check this site out. These guys really know what they are talking about. Forget about the national polls. Nate and Sean look at the data state-by-state because this is a state-by-state election. The aggregate the various polls, throw out the outliers and show us all how the polling is going in each state.

It's looking like this race might come down to Virginia. However, if swing voters see the McCain campaign suspension as the final jumping the shark moment, we might easily add Nevada, Ohio, Florida, Indiana Missouri North Carolina, and Montana.

That is if no one has foreclosed on the polling stations in the heavily Democratic districts.

Chris

Update: The debate will go on with both McCain and Obama and McCain has already declared victory in this evening's debate. Sad but true.

For fanboys and geeks only

This is basically and inside joke for anyone who is both a geek and a political junkie. Mightygodking has boiled this entire political season down to a simple set of Magic: The Gathering cards. And the gods bless him for it. Here is my favorite (because MSNBC finally gave her a show):


Now, if they would only give the same billing to Vampire: The Eternal Struggle. Maybe that's asking too much.

The rest of the set is definitely worth it. I snorted beer through my nose at the "Ron Paul" card. Another good one is the Freeper holding a sign reading "Get a brain! Morans." I think he meant to tell us Lefties to "get a brain, morons." I might be wrong, though. Those of us with an education might be too intelligent to understand that the Republicans know how to run this country.

btw: The New York Giants borrowed some of their money to build a new stadium from Lehman Brothers. That went well. Bonus: McCain was for deregulation before he was against it. Also, check out this video. Try to spot Obama making a funny:



Chris

Friday evening musings

Not much in the way of in-depth political musings this evening. First, here a couple of pictures that amuse me. Hope you all enjoy them. (h/t to the Rev. Irwin Addison for the first one.)


For reviews of the RNC, I direct your attention to one of the many open thread discussions on Daily Kos. More later about 9/11 Rudy, Sarah Palin's vitriol and her failed attempt to eBay that plane, and Mr. Noun Verb POW.

Oh, and congrats to Rachel Maddow. Her new show premiers Monday at 9 p.m. She even filled in on Countdown this evening and skewered Palin. Here it is for your review.



Chris

A few weeks off

Sorry about the delay in posting anything new.

I am in the middle of a major move to Washington D.C. this week. Once I get settled, I will resume writing. Here's a few quick thoughts, though.

For now, I am hearing that Obama will announce his running mate soon. How's this for new style campaigning. If you have signed on to www.barackobama.com or have added him as a friend on a social networking site, you can get an alert the second the decision is made.

Here's hoping that Russia and Georgia settle their differences before this war expands to a wider conflict.

You know your presidential campaign is in trouble when you get pwned by Paris Hilton.



"I'll see you at the debate, bitches."

Finally, buy energy saver light bulbs and tire gauges.



Chris

Presidents and war records

Sunday on Face The Nation, retired Gen. Wesley Clark made the accurate, if in-artfully stated, argument that John McCain’s military service does not necessarily qualify him to be the next leader of the free world. Specifically, he pointed out that flying his plane around and getting shot down does not qualify him to be president. Additionally, he pointed out that McCain’s command experience was not in combat, for what little that’s worth. And this from a retired general who ran for president.

Here is the exact quote:

Well, I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president.

He was responding to this question:

I have to say, Barack Obama has not had any of those experiences either, nor has he ridden in a fighter plane and gotten shot down. I mean...

But there's more from Clark:

I certainly honor his service as a prisoner of war. He was a hero to me and to hundreds of thousands of millions of others in the armed forces as a prisoner of war.

To his credit, Clark is not backing down. But, that’s beside the point.

Naturally, the Right are having a hissy fit because they see those comments as an attack on McCain’s war record. (Never mind the effective Swiftboating of John Kerry. Nothing to see here; please move along.) Meanwhile, Barak Obama has distanced himself from Gen. Clark’s assessment so that it doesn’t look like they are advocating a questioning of McCain’s record. (Indeed, Obama has gone to lengths to highlight McCain’s service while still disagreeing with the GOP’s presumptive nominee on pretty much every issue.)

This non-issue does raise an interesting question, though. Is there a correlation between past military service and performance as president? Using Wikipedia I identified the 27 of 43 presidents who had some military service. (Note: normally, I do not like to use Wikipedia as a source, but this was the quick and dirty way to get the information.)

First, though, a quick question. Is this your idea of a great leader...

Or is this more like it...

Here are the presidents who had any kind of military service:

George Washington: Revolutionary War; general of the Colonial Army
James Monroe: Revolutionary War; soldier in the Colonial Army, fought with distinction at the Battle of Trenton
Andrew Jackson: Seminole War/War of 1812; army commander, led the defense of New Orleans weeks after peace was signed (neither side got the memo because no one had invented the Internet yet)
William Henry Harrison: Various wars against Native American tribes; commander of government forces at the Battle of Tippecanoe
John Tyler: War of 1812; member of volunteer military company
Zachary Taylor: War of 1812/Black Hawk War/Second Seminole War; served in various capacities.
Millard Filmore: Peacetime; Served in New York militia
Franklin Pierce: Mexican-American War; brigadier general of volunteer units
James Buchannon: War of 1812; Served in a volunteer dragoon unit in the defense of Baltimore
Abraham Lincoln: Black Hawk War; elected captain of an Illinois militia unit
Ulysses S. Grant: Civil War; General of the Army of the Potomac
Rutherford B. Hayes: Civil War; colonel of 23rd Ohio regiment
James A. Garfield: Civil War; brigadier general in the Army of the Cumberland
Chester A. Arthur: Civil War; quartermaster in New York
(Grover Cleveland: none; paid a Polish immigrant to fight in his place during the Civil War.)
Benjamin Harrison: Civil War; brigadier general in the Army of the Cumberland
William McKinnley: Civil War; army captain
Teddy Roosevelt: Spanish-American War; army captain, commander of the famous Rough Riders
Harry Truman: World War I; commander of a battery unit, later a colonel in the National Guard
Dwight D. Eisenhower: World War II; five star general, commander of allied forces in Europe
John F. Kennedy: World War II; navy lieutenant, commander of PT 109, highly decorated but later admitted that he probably did not deserve the medals.
Richard M. Nixon: World War II; Lt. Commander in the navy (Pacific Theater)
Gerald R. Ford: World War II; Lt. Commander in the navy (Pacific Theater)
Jimmy Carter: Korean War era; lieutenant on the early nuclear submarines, only president to graduate from the U.S. Naval Academy
Ronald Reagan: World War II; served state-side making propaganda films for the military
George H.W. Bush: World War II; navy pilot (Pacific Theater)
George W. Bush: Vietnam era; Texas and Alabama Air National Guard. Just a few notes about George W. Bush: He protected the skies over Texas during the war. He probably even showed up for duty. Meanwhile, people like John McCain (pilot and long-time POW), and Bush’s two main opponents for the presidency Al Gore (military journalist), and John Kerry (Swiftboat commander) and millions of other Americans actually went to Vietnam. More than 58,000 died there.

I hardly need to go to the trouble of quantifying these findings. Just one caveat: leadership skills developed in the military are certainly useful for future political leadership. Conversely, it is up to the individual to translate military leadership to civilian leadership.

That said, some of our greatest military leaders were also great presidents (Washington, Monroe). We have had some real losers with exemplary (Grant), mediocre (Nixon, Buchannon), and nearly non-existent (Bush 43) military records. There were some superb military leaders who had controversial records in the Oval Office (Jackson, T. Roosevelt). Some who had limited military experience (Truman, Kennedy) are regarded as some of the best presidents. We had one (F. Roosevelt) who had no military experience, but led the country to victory in World War II. There is one example (Eisenhower) who had an historic military record, but did very little as president. Two veterans (Harrison, Garfield) did not live long enough to establish their presidential legacies. Personally, I have a lot of respect for Chester A. Arthur as well. He went from being a crooked political appointee to the president who reformed civil service.

To reiterate Gen. Clark's statement on a philosophically logical level, he implied that military service does not necessarily qualify one to be president. However, that logic does not apply in the reverse. Past military service does not necessarily mean that the soldier is not qualified to be president. The two roles (as I have demonstrated) are mutually exclusive.

As for the brain dead media narrative of the whole Clark statement, FAIR's assessment, is right on target. As usual, the media (who have been accused of being McCain's main constituency) always need a new controversy. FAIR's article details how Clark's statements were taken out of context and bent to fit the media's need for a new controversy. My favorite is Fair's statement that the media pounced on this a lot more quickly than the Swiftboat nonsense.

Chris

Obama rejects public financing

Senator Obama announced yesterday that he will not accept public financing, and the spending limits that go with it, for his 2008 Presidential bid. He is the first major candidate to reject such funding since the system went into effect in 1976 in the wake of the Watergate scandal.

This is a reversal -- a flip-flop if you will -- from his previous position. Originally, he said he would take the money if his opponent does so as well. In this Washington Post article, Howard Kurtz notes that the late, great Tim Russert told Obama Feb. 27 "you may break your word" on public financing. Obama responded that he would discuss the issue with Senator McCain after the primaries. Now the McCain people are saying that those discussions never really amounted to much.

Kurtz continues on to criticize the media of largely letting this "reversal" slide. Just one example is the New York Times, which headlined with "Obama, in shift, says he'll reject public funding" (emphasis mine).

He then goes on to make the point, quite correctly on the surface, that Obama makes a fallacious argument. In his video, Obama make the point that Republicans have mastered the art of using largely unregulated 527 organizations as surrogate attack groups. That is a valid argument (remember the Swiftboaters), but the Democrats were fairly successful as well. I ended up as a member of MoveOn.org (mostly because I wanted Dave Matthews tickets). However, 527s have nothing to do with public financing other than they are completely independent of those funds. Furthermore, the blogosphere, both on the left and right, are doing the 527s' jobs largely for free during this election cycle. People who reflexively forward e-mails like this one are feeding the beast as well.

On the other hand, one always has to question how closely the campaigns (illegally) work with the 527s. Not accusing, just sayin'.

Interestingly, it was Senator McCain's 2002 reform act that prohibited the national parties from using soft money for issue advertising. The point of the reform was to limit the influence of large donors. The 527 exemption, of course, rendered the reform largely pointless as they were well financed and effective. The attacks and issue advertising still happen, they are just not blatantly from a particular campaign or party.

Regardless, I am tentatively supporting Senator Obama's decision on this issue. For one thing, a significant portion of the funds he has raised have come from individuals donating small amounts of money. He is rejecting lobbyist and PAC money, including small donations from non-profit lobbyists like this person.

On the other hand it sounds counterintuitive, but Obama has actually raised almost three times as much money as McCain. From CNN we learned yesterday that Obama has raised $272 million to $98 million raised by McCain. The public funding available later in the campaign amounts to a little more than $84 million. If Obama continues to raise money like this, the $84 million will be a paltry amount of money in comparison. Why take a lesser amount of taxpayer money that comes with spending restrictions when you can spend a greater amount of donated money without restriction?

One last point to make. Opponents of campaign finance reform frame this as a free speech issue. They think that contribution limits have the effect of limiting their influence on the campaign. Well, no s**t. For one thing, it is not like the lobbyists and political action committees don't already have plenty of influence already. For another, shouldn't the voice of the common person, the one who can only afford a $25 contribution, count as well? Does it sound more democratic to allow the wealthiest people to continue to have an inordinate amount of influence in politics? Not from the perspective of a poor person.

Chris

Update: Talking Points Memo is reporting that MoveOn.org has ended its 527 activities in response to Senator Obama's wishes that such groups not spend money on his behalf. The practical upshot is that the campaign gets to control the message. Of course, this does not apply to the blogosphere.

McCain and the promise of a sex-free America

Via Brave New Films, we present a glimpse into the alternate universe of a John McCain presidency. While comedic in its presentation, this film is supposedly based directly on Senator McCain's record on reproductive rights.



This video focuses on McCain's view that health insurance companies should not have to cover birth control for women. The implication, of course, is that young folks should not have sex until marriage and then only to reproduce. If you do knock boots, the government is not going to lift a finger to help you avoid an unintentional pregnancy, my friends. This from a guy who dumped his first wife after a disfiguring accident to marry this woman. (In fairness, the first Mrs. McCain still *hearts* the ex.)

For more about the Arizona Senator's 19th century stance on all things carnal, check out Brave New Film's youtube site. There you can learn about his views on abortion (overturn Roe v. Wade) and sex education (abstinence only, darn it).

While I'm on the subject, here's a cold, hard fact. Teenagers are going to have sex, no matter how many purity rings kids wear or creepy father-daughter dances are held. Teens need to hear about sex and need access to birth control. The logic is simple: kids need to know how to "do it" correctly or they will do it incorrectly on their own. However, "doing it" incorrectly is actually more likely to result in the quarterback knocking up the cheerleader (as happened in my cliche of a high school) because any contraceptive education probably came from classmates rather than someone who might actually have the correct information.

Teenage parents generally have a lower standard of living because 1) they have to work to support the young 'uns rather than finish college or even high school and 2) their best years -- their early 20s -- are spent raising children rather than raising hell. Therefore it is irresponsible to withhold birth control and a proper sex education from from women and teenage girls. Moreover, I am pro-choice because, as a male, it is ultimately not my decision to make.

Besides, there is probably nothing worse than discovering your mate is horrible in bed on your wedding night of all times. Personally, this is information that I want to have before entering into a life-time commitment.

When it come right down to it, McCain and his (male) GOP cronies think they know what is best for women, largely because of their interpretation of scripture. Therefore, it is remarkable that he has any support among females, particularly the Hillary supporters who now claim they will vote for the decidedly not feminist McCain. Don't do that!

Chris

Update: Here are a tongue-in-cheek, but scarily close to the truth, McCain Loyalty Oaths for gays, women and straight white men. h/t to Feministing for the initial tip.

Random Thoughts

A few random thoughts today.

First, my copy of What Happened arrived today. A book review is coming soon.

Second, it's finally over. Senator Obama is now officially the presumptive Democratic nominee. His speech was great as usual. Senator Clinton did not concede (say what?) but hopefully her next move will serve to strengthen the party. Senator McCain's speech was a bomb (not da bomb) from all (but one) accounts. My only real gripe is that I wish the networks would have waited until after the Montana polls closed to make the announcement. This is the first time in a long time that the Democratic primaries/caucuses in every state mattered. Give them a few hours to make this thing official. There is no glory in being the first to report the glaringly obvious.

Third, I am now fully supportive of some sort of universal health care. The reason for the brief post is that I had to visit the doctor this morning. I paid $86 for the doctor to look in my throat and write a prescription. On the other hand, Walmart's $4 prescription plan is one of the few things about the company that I can agree with.


Fourth, go Pens! They played a heckuva game that went to triple overtime. They trail the series 3-2, but are playing at home next.

Fifth, we present a man who probably wouldn't know his arse from a hole in the ground if there was crap oozing from one and a sign next to the other reading "caution: hole in the ground." New York Times columnist David Brooks asserted that Senator Obama will have trouble relating to "downscale" people (whatever the hell that means) because he would not fit naturally at the salad bar at Applebees. Reality calling David Brooks: Applebees does not have a salad bar.

Oh, and Senator Obama is the least wealthy of the candidates. As a community organizer in Chicago's Southside, I am guessing that he has meet with quite a lot of "downscale" people.

Finally, I am glad that I am too old to be drafted. Looks like Israel is trying to push the United States into another war, this time against Iran. It's not the first time this issue has reared its ugly head. Please, Mr. President do not get us into another bad situation and leave it to your successor to clean up after you.

Chris

Making your presidential campaign stand out

Now that Pennsylvania is done mattering for the moment, I thought I would post something of very little intellectual value. I got this as an e-mail forward from a co-worker. I appreciate it because it nails all of the candidates and takes a couple of cheap shots at Our Fearless Leader and friend along the way.

h/t to Lin

By Hart Seely
Posted Monday, April 14, 2008, at 12:34 PM ET

Hey there, Zeke, I'm calling on behalf of the Obama for President Yokel-Outreach Hotline, offering you a chance to climb out of your bitter, dead-end hole and do something right for once: Vote for Barack Obama! Now, before we get started, call Charlene in from the pen, and let's put down the gun …

***

Hi, I'm calling on behalf of Senator Hillary Clinton. Sorry to wake you at 3 a.m., but that's exactly the point we're trying to make …

---

***

Hello, I'm calling on behalf of Senator John McCain. Please don't hang up. Oh, God, please, don't hang up! He'll scream at us again. He gets that look, you can't talk to—OHMYGOD, HE'S COMING …

***

Hi, I'm calling for President George W. Bush. According to our records, you are one of the 15 percent of the American public who believes this country is moving in the right direction. Because of that, we've been authorized to give you this one-time chance to buy $10 Rolexes from our special online value store …

***

Hi, I'm calling from the American Polling Institute. Would you approve of an intra-presidential race marriage between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama?

***

Hello there, I'm calling from the Republican National Committee in Washington, D.C. This call, like all your phone calls, is being monitored, not just for quality control but to learn what you're up to …

***

Hello, I'm calling on behalf of Senator Hillary Clinton, the most experienced candidate running for president. As you know, Hillary has overcome terrible tragedies and … (sniff) … sorry … forgive me … I just get emotional whenever I think of what he did to her …

***

Hello? Hello? I'm calling from Septuagenarians for John McCain, and we're hoping that you'll support our … hello? Hello? I think I did something wrong again. Hello? I touched something, and the screen changed. Hello?

***

Hello! I'm calling for Senator Barack Hussein Obama who—praise be to Allah!—shall bring the sword of justice to the infidels as our next president.

***

Hello, this is Dick Cheney. I'm talking to you from a secure bunker deep within the earth. Through a blend of science and the dark, mystical arts, I have transferred my brain into pure energy, and I am speaking to you now, mentally, though it may seem like it's coming through the phone…

Okay, I thought it was funny. Others disagree...


Chris